I told the truth today...

Misty: hey
Jerome: hey
Misty: Why didn't you hang with Elayna today?
Jerome: I have work to do
Misty: You were isolated
oh.
ha ha
I asked her to talk to Ieuan for me...
Jerome: im still working just taking a break
oh ok
Misty: and she was telling him that I like him soooooooo much.
Jerome: to tell him what?
Misty: WTF
No just to see if he liked me
Jerome: oh, y didnt u ask?
Misty: cuz I didn't have the balls to get my feelings hurt
Jerome: lol, so howd it turn out
Misty: bad.
3:10amJerome: too bad
3:10amMisty: He doesn't like me
3:10amJerome: whatd he say
3:10amMisty: she says
3:10amJerome: oh ok
well, sorry
3:10amMisty: that it was a mistakes
yeah yeah
I should go lez
3:11amJerome: lol, i doubt u could
3:11amMisty: maybe not. But the only people to think I'm attractive are gay men and females
3:11amJerome:eh, what can u do?
Im single now too
so no worries
3:12amMisty: yeah but you okay with it
3:12amJerome: ...not really
I am not used to not having people hit on me
it's a new phenomenom
3:13amMisty

gr
3:13amJerome

gr?
3:14amMisty

I'm kinna pissed but I expected this
3:15amJerome

well you seem to have good instincts so why dont u follow them?
3:16amMisty

cuz I'm not a cold person...yet
3:16amJerome

well thats good
3:17amMisty

Some just give up because they fail

I guess I'm not like that
3:17amJerome

thats good
3:17amMisty

which can be a strength or weakness
3:17amJerome

youre too young for my kind of cynascism
3:17amMisty

But I wanna be cold like you!!
3:17amJerome

it's not all it's cracked up to be

like when you say youre fst, but then elayna would kill to look like you

be grateul for what you have

my world is kinda lonely sometimes

fat*
3:19amMisty

But you don't seem to care!

That's the beauty
3:19amJerome

I do care...
3:20amMisty

er...
3:20amJerome

trust me when I say this

Stay hopeul as long as you can, I gave up my emotions years ago and I am better in many ways, but I would die to understand the emotions that I used to have again
3:22amMisty

What? Pain and having your feelings hurt all the time?

No way
3:22amJerome

yes
3:22amMisty

Emotions are a waste
3:22amJerome

emotions let you know youre alive
3:23amMisty

sooo?
3:24amJerome

whats the point in living if you cant feel alive
3:24amMisty

You won't have to cry or feel that yucky feeling in your chest...

or that pain when you;re trying to hild back tears
3:24amJerome

I cry everyday

I stare at the ceiling and cry for no reason

I blast my music so loud, so I dont have to hear myself thing

So I dont have to wake up and realize that my life is just a broadway show with great musical numbers that no one understands
3:26amMisty

not true
3:26amJerome

trust me, I have never been more honest in my life

It hurts to be so honest

I mean physically, my head is pounding
3:27amMisty

I'm sorry..
3:27amJerome

THis happens whenever I try to understand or deal with what I cant understand

Dont feel sorry for me, but dont envy me either
3:28amMisty

I didn't mean to bring up something so deep
3:29amJerome

not youre fault I can always stop, or not start

No More Mr Nice Gay!

I have nothing to say about Proposition 8's passing, except that you can expect no more Mr. Nice Gay. I will not stand by and continue to use my wisdom to save the crumbling relationships of my heterosexual counterparts if they are going to turn around and rule that my relationship has no validity. I will not continue to smile and be the archetype stereotype of the person you expect me to be. I will frown and my rainbow glow brighter and I will fight back. Just know that this is war and it will be fierce!

WAR!!!

My neighbor did this...



So I did this?



I refuse to let his voice be the only one heard! Remember if John McCain becomes president Sara Palin will be just one 72 year old's heart beat away from the most powerful position in the world!

VOTE NOVEMBER 4th
VOTE OBAMA/BIDEN!

Racism Is Not Dead... Sadly

By Hussein he is referring to Barack Hussein Obama... Seriously...

Crash

My hands are frozen
Trying to string together two words, has never been as frigid as this
Something is amiss
My body feels like it been spoiled in piss
Like I’m a willing partner in an S&M flick

This is bullshit that I have to feel this way
This is bullshit that she always does this to me
I thought the flame was smothered
The embers lay emboldened
Emblazoned and brazen waiting for a spark

What it got was a match
Though a time bomb it was not
Every word still hurt
Every work unspoken leaves our relation tattered and broken
And frayed and dismayed in ways repairs could take days

Weeks, months, years this continues
I think I’m going to need the wine menu
‘Cause this ain’t it
It’s not getting it
It’s not working

I’m hungry for a revolution
A resolution a grievances
‘Cause my resolve is waning
And my endurance is tanking

And I got to deal
With this raw deal I’ve been dealt
I can’t keep waiting for the for the googolplex clock to stop
I can’t keep wait for the second ball to drop

Jay's Journal September 6, 2008.

Everybody has something that they fell insecure about. Everyone. Most people would not ever admit that they even sometimes feel ashamed of something about themselves... I am not most people. For me it's my weight. 99% of the time I don't even recognize my weight because it's such a non-issue. Like me being black, gay, or having a crippling phobia of spiders. However there time like last week when I had sat on the floor in the hallway of my next class, and when it was time to get up I knew in my head that my knees where no feeling well that day. I knew that it meant that I would have slightly more difficult time getting up than normal. I had a knee injury in the 9th grade that has just fucked my knees for life. Me being morbidly obese of course didn't help in the healing process. Everybody I know, knows about my injury so when I am around them and I need to have a seat it's again a non-issue, but when I am alone and in the company of people who only see my big fat ass struggling to get up I do feel really insecure. I get embarrassed. During this particular indecent I even sat there looking like a blob and waited to the hallway was clear so that I could get up and wince and struggle in private. I know that I must've looked like a idiot sitting there curled withing myself waiting for my great escape. But I have pride and in a place where I don't really know anyone it is just not in me to let myself be vulnerable. I know that not everyone out to get me but... I don't know. By the way I do not mean to be sounding down on myself as International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day is April 15th so we'll wait until then...