Guilty till proven Guilty

Today I told a friend the truth, and she cried. I felt bad and lied, and she smiled. Now I wonder if I should have left her to cry... Because the smile makes me feel worse. Knowing that in a matter of hour the cards will come tumbling, was worse than knowing she didn't know it was coming.

Chasing Pavements

...I basically ran after a car yesterday hoping that they would stop and ask me to hang out... Let me explain. I was hanging out last night with some people that I met at my schools arcade. When they left I was had no reason to stay so I just check out and left. While I was walking back to my apt I saw said people walking to the car going to their apartment to veg for a bit. So for some reason I walked a little faster getting ahead of them, they hadn't pulled out yet, so they would notice me and possibly suggest I come with them. They didn't. I felt kinda odd about it, like am I that desperate for friends? Or am I just positioning myself like how commercials and press coverage position products for purchase. Not to suggest that I whoring myself out, that is for another post. It is just interesting to see the things that I do make people notice me, everything except actually introducing myself...

The best video EVER!!!

I found this video on a blog I read, well view. It's called Prince Kai any ways this video is fucking hilarious!

Another night.

So it is the middle of the night again and I am up so very up. It is 5am and I am so bored. I have resorted to watching home movies. Which is actually not so bad but it holds a peculiar feeling to wax reminiscent of this that has only passed like 8 months ago as I have only had my camera for about that long. I'm remembering things that I had so forgotten. I guess it's good to see things in full color video, well in my case most things are in black and white that I shoot. One day when I'm like 40 and me and my remaining friends will sit down and watch these videos and laugh. We could probably do that now. This one I'm watching now if from when I moved back home from school for the summer in April. It is this loooooong video recording a conversation I had with a bunch of my friends in the moving van I rented. It's like 30 min of random pointless conversation, but looking back at it it seems to be of more importance. Do you feel like that sometimes, looking back? That things are much more significance once time has passed. I wonder why it becomes easier be fond over things that aren't here anymore. Why does time erode our normal jaded sensibilities and makes all dough eyed over waves of light that represent the thing that me actually miss. I'm not sure which cliche goes best with this sensational phenomenon; "hindsight is 50/50", "time always makes the heart grow fonder", "you don't know what you've got til it's gone" (Thank you Joni Mitchel and later Janet Jackson and even later The Counting Crows featuring Vanessa Carlton). Either way they always seem to fit somewhere. Guess all those adages seem to make sense in, ehm... hindsight.