So after last night's post I spent the next few hours crying and blubbering like a baby. It's not the greatest moment of my life I must say. But after a gallon of metaphorical ice cream and a few hour of Soul Cal 4 I was feeling better, secure with a new realization and understanding.
As of late Lids and Justin have been getting closer than their normal tiddly winks. It seems like they are on that weird verge of dating and not. As such they are spending exceeding amounts together, spending the night together and such. I noticed a while ago where things where going but chose to stay out of it as clearly it's none of my business. But I am now realizing that this whole episode has kinda been exasperated by it.
When I normally have a mental meltdown, which I am prone to, I have a friend or friends to turn to. This time the meltdown was with one of the two friends, and said friend is getting cozy with other friend leaving me to melt down alone. Festering, or rather basting in one owns juices generally lends itself to tender, flaky, fall off the meat. In humans it leads to similar things just mentally, for me anyways. Let's say I would be Sirloin severed with Au Ju and a nutty cream sauce.
This is a weird place I'm in. On one hand I happy to see them FINALLY getting together. On the other hand however I know that if they do become a thing, I will get left behind. I talked to Justin a little bit about it but I don't think he really gets where I'm coming from. So for now, I'm still alone. At least I'm finally convinced that Justin is not trying to hurt me or be purposefully hurtful, so that's helpful. I just don't know if I am still too hopeful.
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