Bad Day

I woke up this morning hating the world

Frowning at a smile

Punching at a hug

Kicking the day flat on its ass

Wrestling happiness into submission

Killing all who threatened my paradise lost

An Act of Desperation (Reprise)

I’m stranded out here

My home is nowhere near

It never does rain when you ask it to

I wish I didn’t have to call you

But you’re the only one I have to turn to

My sister told me you got your self a job

My mother said you’ve got a new house

I understand you have somebody

Keeping your company

I guess your doing good for yourself

When it was all over

When the silence fell

I realized how badly my plans had failed

It never does rain when you ask it to

I thought I was better than you

But you sure showed me

Little Tony told me to say “hi” to you

There’s nothing I can say

That can change the way

I hurt you

The only truths

Where lies in whisper

It tore me apart

It never did rain when I asked it to

An Act of Desperation

If I could change

My point of opinion

Would we get along

Would there finally be

An end to this feud

Can there ever be a solution

Because we need a resolution

If I could tell you

Everything you want to hear

And have it he true

Would you

Could you

Get that chip off your shoulder

Can there ever be a solution

Because we need a resolution

A Statement Pleading for Serenity

Pulling my hair from root

Trying to find the root

Of my behaviors

Attention grabbing in their splendor

Trying to get some recognition

Of my existence

Trying to get an explanation

As to why

Trying to get a moment

Of your time

Trying to explain to myself

Why no one cares that I exist

Birthday’s come without a call

But wait…

Wasn’t it only I who helped you from your fall

Tradition decimated

Only hope left

Hope that which each passing day

Sings “Happy trails to you, goodbye my friend”

Their optimism sickens me

My trails have never been happy

My trails never will be happy

This line of life stretches into infinity

Infinite wisdom

Infinite pain

If life’s a bitch

Infinity is the Queen Bee

Whose poison I ingest

Like a sweet nectar of life

Tearing me apart

A puzzle never to be finished

Because I’m missing a piece

Of you, which I need to succeed

Giving me the motivation

To stay on track

To straighten up and fly right

The drive to get me from point “A” to the finish line

Even though I whine

Trying to peel your eyes from the screen

There is no need to do me like a two dollar hoe

On my way out the door

I want to be recognized as

The man in your life

The love your world centers around

The part of your heart that is not jaded and cold

Love me…

Please…

I’m begging you…

Love me…

Pay attention to me…

Please…

Please love me…

A Statement of Finding Oneself

At some point in life we as maturing humans decide who we want to be, the image we want to portray. At age 1 I decided I wanted to be anything but ordinary and since then it has been an up hill battle within my self to figure out what that meant to me and also how to display that on my person. Now at 17 I am finally beginning to see that person immerge. The immergence of this person is simply no more than inexplicable sudden loses of inhibitions during which I change something physical about myself. As of now I have changed my hair, got new clothes, taught myself a new way to talk and found a new way to think. This new person is fundamentally different from who I was in yester year. He is actually really cool. He is confident and secure with himself; he knows what he wants and is ambitious enough to go for it no matter what the cost. For right now I am content within this stage of my transformation, but you never know if tomorrow it that may change.

A Statement from a Simple Man Who Doesn’t Know What He Wants

I want to kill someone so badly

I want to die

I want to cry

I want to feel

I want to go away

I want you to go away from me

I want to feel

I want to want

I want to feel the need to drop to my knees and plead for your forgiveness

I want to feel

I want you to go away from me

I want you to make me feel good

I want you to make me feel bad

I want you to make me more than this

I want more than this

I want not to want this

I want to not want you

A Recollection of Passion

I lay serene in the silk of rest, painting vision of perfection with my eyes closed and body still. I showed what I had created to Nocturne and dared it to find one of such a magnitude. Nocturne accepted my dare of perfection and delivered him in a brown paper parcel to my heart. Eagerly I stared at it thinking of what it would contain. Would it match of what I had described or would he like all the others fall in a burst of failed luster.

A Fly On The Wall

I feel the fire in the air

The fury and the fight

I smell the demon on his tounge

It lubricates the item, for which he’s bought and paid

I feel the caution in the company of the other; it’s obvious in his touch

In the alcoholic haze his reasoning has been withered

But even in inebriation he remembers what she did.

He remembers the hurt he felt

He remembers how after 12 years he found out; he fell in love with a whore.

He revels in the memory of the whore’s fist pounding at the door

He’s aggrieved as he bethinks the splashing of his tears on the cold cherry wood floor

In this moment the hurt he feels can only be mend by the touch of a stranger

Or so he thinks

As he begins to use what he’s bought, he feels his eyes begin to water

He knows this isn’t revenge, he knows this isn’t right

He pulls put

500 dollars walks out

And there he is on the floor, feeling discarded and used

Realizing sanity has slipped his grasp

Thinking of how the whore lay snug, and smug in bed.

The sweat from his pores pours cold

Erasing dreams of the two growing old

He listens to the lies the walls speak

The passion the sheets sing

The promises his heart wrote with his lips in front of 97 witnesses

It seems irrelevant as he watches the fire rise up the walls

The smoke fills his lungs and the fire loosed his soul

The whore watches as her last chance goes up in smoke

Knowing redemption has slipped from her grasp

A4A

It occurs to me as I cruise this website and raise this tumbler to my lips that this just isn’t right. Not “right” in the since that I should have gone left, not that this answer is incorrect but rather that this just isn’t right.

3

Nobody knows the pain they share

The nights of drunken fear

Has torn this family apart

She drinks to relieve the pain

he tries to make her laugh

she secludes to pandemonium

It’s her only place to go

If given a chance She would die

If given a chance he would too

If given a chance she would kill them

Why is their no answer to their screams of pain?

Must only their memory remains before something is done?

If they survive Her,

Like I hope they will

Let’s hope they can change the path of self destruction

That is out of Her control

5:00am

5:00am make me anxious

The subtle subconscious anticipation

It’s overwhelming

To know that I have no idea where time will take me

Encourages courage

Impressions of dreams

Cut with worry

I’m not in control

Nothing changes

5:01am

Blue Thursday

I think the sky can feel our sorrows

It seems to rain down harder

Adding a flood to the waters

I don’t know what to think

I was nearly done grieving

It all is happening at once

I’m lost one hundred miles from where I want to be

The stories they tell cause my ears to bleed

I have been drained empty

Too many changes

Not nearly enough chances

I just got here and the fires are burning

She’s fighting to leave but I won’t let her go

The rain I harder this time

Now it has stopped

It never stays away for long

The world never seems to stop

Never giving my pain a chance to ebb

A Loosing Game

Each drop of sweat seeping from my pores is loosening my grip

I am loosing control

In truth I am falling

I am falling back into the hole that I just climbed out of

I am falling back into the criminal abyss

The handle bar to which I grasp is rusted

My emotional void is fading to black

This bedroom is my asylum

I do not want to leave

I awake to sunrise begging for it to set

In truth I am ready, I am ready to let go

55 pt5

On love, in sadness, in love… a brittle madness

Dusk.

I squeeze my last taste of life from his lips and pour it into a glass. I sipped it slow to make it last. Away the winds carried him in a silk thunder alone. I sat alone cradling the glass careful not to let a single drop drip. I had already shared too much of the man that I love with the grounds that are completely in different about his existence.

5

A full orbital revolution around the light I set eyes upon my bull, again. There he lay on the sand and it cuddled him. The water and sky put on a show meant only for his eyes. My eyes followed the sharp lines of my sand covered god. The air was light and had a familiar taste. With an upward tilt of his head he sent lightning through my soul. His smile reverberated through the very bones of humanity and for a moment… what I was feeling was shared by every human on earth. His eyes smiled as they noticed me.

We lay on the beach with the golden sun playing the soundtrack to our passions. We stayed that way from the dawn of night and the dusk of day. The waves became my alarm clock; I sprung to life and was greeted by his eyes staring into mine… his hands playing a symphony on my skin. I whispered in his ear and told him the circumstances under which this second meeting was arranged. I told him of the chains that kept us apart for so long and he smiled wider. His smile calmed my fear and strengthened me. I love him and he loves me. He bounces to his feet and begins to jump and dance fancy free. How it was that I went my whole life without noticing this man I cannot possibly understand. He is everything I want. I jump up and join with him to bask in the essence of life. Free. Running and playing and jumping and rolling like children, but better.

55 pt4

3

“I am not afraid”

On the beach we exist. In nirvana is where we live.

Starring into the sky in silence.

His heart beat like a loud alarm piercing through the sanctuary of dream.

I dream of him. I breathe of him. I exist only of him.

I am not afraid. Exorbitant strength he epitomizes. How could fear dare find me? I kill any fear that comes looking for me. How dare they!

I'm not afraid to be your lady
I'm not afraid to be your whore
I'm not afraid to be your future
I'm not afraid to be your soil
In which you plant your seed
Flowers, they sprout for me
My fragrance in the breeze
You must nurture me please
I'm not afraid to be your baby
I'm not afraid to be your strength
I'm not afraid to be open wide
I'm not afraid to be glutinous
The essence of glue
I will stick to you
Through earthquakes and moods
If ever one thing was true
I'm not afraid to wind it, wind it
I'm not afraid to keep your pace
I'm not afraid to create my queendom
I'm not afraid to take my place
I'm not afraid

jill scott

4

"We have to escape."

Appiration. Steam sliding down throat. Ice slipping down my spine. Girating, vibrating stimulation. Instant bliss.

Ribbons of fire red, royal lavender, overly ecstatic yellow and heavenly white played on our hearts a mellow melody of a blue day filled with the reddest of red… molten crimson hot lust.

The clock upon the tower cried for us as it burned away our last hours. Into space we went to escape the consequences of the changing date.

We have to escape. Get away from this. Find some place new. Too much.

I’ll go anywhere. Just lead the way. Just go. Damn you fear. Damn you circumstance. Damn you life.

This just isn’t right. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.

We ran. We ran away. God speed beneath us.

We could be living how we wanted to
Instead of doing things we're forced to do
With no one to tell us that we should be going through What they went through
There has to be some place that nobody knows, Somewhere we can only go
There has to be some place that we can be all alone....”

- Hoobastank

“Escape” (2003)

55 pt3

2

I fell in love with a boy.

I fell in love with a boy. His name is Perfection.

I was walking around the coast on holiday on the golden isle. He was there and I was… infatuated. Completely entranced in his every being. His skin was sun kissed and I kissed his lips. His eyes glistened in the shadows of his stone features. A coffee colored lake of life made boundless by youth.

He is beauty.

His voice was strong and comforting as he whispered to my soul the words that allowed my inhibitions to let go. I was free just by him wishing it so. Love I never felt I now felt for him.

His touch was silk. Warm and smooth like caramel left in the summer sun. I knew that I didn’t know him but I wanted him so bad.

Who are you to be this perfect for me? I feel like… I dunno. But it’s unfathomably fantastic.

It’s not like I have been waiting around for someone to come and save me from my evil step mother but it happened and I’m not going to try and change it. The kaleidoscope of emotions that I am experiencing from this chain of events is amazing.

What day is this? I have lost track. I haven’t seen a clock or calendar in days. It somehow seems much less dire to keep track of those things when I can look to my left and the plan for the rest of my life lies in the eyes this man. This man perfection.

55 pt2

My heartbeat is racing, at the sense of you

How lucky I am to have you

Holding my hand

Just lucky because you’re my man

Your smile has got me all weak in the knees

From whatever it is you do

But I don’t want you to stop

You’re making me feel like I should

Giving me the best of your soul

Every time you walkout that door

I’m impatiently awaiting return

I will always want more

Your love inspires me

To be the grandest I can be

Don’t you see?

You are all I’ll ever need

That first night when we talked

I was floating on your every word

Bending over every “B”

Leaning on every “L”

Grasping to every “G”

Hoping you’d hurry and grasp on to me

You don’t know I’m under your spell

From what you can tell

My interest is elsewhere

But I’m telling you

I’m focused only on you

You had me at hello

You’re my angel

I love you

How do you do this to me?

What do you do to me?

How do you keep me on cloud nine all the time?

Baby whatever you need, I got you

Just keep on doing those things you do

And I promise you

You don’t even have to work

Just keep making me jerk

Just keep making me yearn for more minutes in a day

Let us stay this way

… Look at me, All lusty in love

Thanking anyone who sits above

I’m almost delirious

Just think about you

What would I ever do without you?

You are what matters in my life

To not have just wouldn’t be right

I would not loose you without a fight

I’m blushing aren’t I?

What can you expect?

You’ve got me lifted

You’ve got me twisted

Why are you so good to me?

What did I do?

What good deed let karma choose me?

Caring for me

Holding me

Reviving me

Intensively

Satisfying me

You got me.

55 pt1

This post is a looooong one. It is a epic poem that is grouped together through poems of my own and song lyrics. This one is really important to me, its based in truth and there is a actual story behind it. I am going to post each piece separately because it is so long.

Running, running

As fast as we can

Do you think we’ll make it?

Unsure, unsure

Of where we are running to

Do you think we’ll make it?

Running, running

As fast as we can

Do you think we’ll make it?

Scared, scared

Of what is to come

Do you think we’ll make it?

Destination, destination

Coming up real soon

Do you think we’ll make it?

I’m so glad we made it

1

Iwasinlovewithhimhewasinlovewithmeweloveeachother.

Day Break.

Movement without purpose. Sight without meaning. Alone. Sun sings. Grass dances. Air exists. The heat on the horizon obscures my view, as I sang my way ever closer to my unintended destination. I feel like I am in the eyes of Ivan. So much going on around me. Too fast. If I showed you a rose and a red and green blur which would you identify as a rose. Poor fools scurrying to their unwanted destinations. Pity… sadness. The feeling of cold creaminess sop up those inadequate emotions.

Immediate bliss. Life pauses. Life pauses for no one!? Life pauses for him. Nature took notice to a sight meant for me. The skies where alive with passion and they screamed his name. The winds gave me a bottle of his sent. So masculine. I was in love. The sun let me borrow his silhouette, so that I may set my affections in their proper place. So strong. Adonis... Maybe? His body besieged my eyes as he walked near. I smiled to implore for a moment of his time. He smiled just to smile. Perfection… Maybe.

Flirtation, meaningful conversation. In his words I could have found the meaning of life if I had given it old college try… but my… desires where a bit less. Soon words could not express the passion in our hearts and pushed aside for a time of ardor. Perfection… Maybe?

It was dinner he was my bull I his lamb. It was a race I Ernhardt he Andretti. Perfection… Maybe?

It was love. I was in love. He was in love. I was in love with him. He was in love with me. We love each other. I was in love with him, he was in love with me, we love each other. Iwasinlovewithhimhewasinlovewithmeweloveeachother.

He was my muse. Songs about him. I know I don’t know you, but I want you so bad.

Yes… He is Perfection

I can’t believe this fuck head gave me “C”

I cried today

Inside and out I died

But I was already dead

To die twice and never live once now that is truly hell

I tried today

I tried and failed miserably

I never had a chance to begin with

To try when the game is already lost that is truly sad

I got mad today

I was mad and sad

But I have no emotions to show

To be mad and sad and have nothing to show that is a whole truth

I was nothing today

I was nothing yesterday

I will be nothing tomorrow

Cause today, just as yesterday is nothing, no reason to be

A little dead around the eyes works.

I looked in the mirror

I smiled

I cried

I pouted

I gave my best expression of life

But I couldn’t even impress myself

There was nothing behind it

No soul

Nothing

I stood there like a stone

Grey and cold