Crash

My hands are frozen

Trying to string together two words, has never been as frigid as this

Something is amiss

My body feels like it been spoiled in piss

Like I’m a willing partner in an S&M flick

This is bullshit that I have to feel this way

This is bullshit that she always does this to me

I thought the flame was smothered

The embers lay emboldened

Emblazoned and brazen waiting for a spark

What it got was a match

Though a time bomb it was not

Every word still hurt

Every work unspoken leaves our relation tattered and broken

And frayed and dismayed in ways repairs could take days

Weeks, months, years this continues

I think I’m going to need the wine menu

‘Cause this ain’t it

It’s not getting it

It’s not working

I’m hungry for a revolution

A resolution a grievances

‘Cause my resolve is waning

And my endurance is tanking

And I got to deal

With this raw deal I’ve been dealt

I can’t keep waiting for the for the googolplex clock to stop

I can’t keep wait for the second ball to drop

Intentions

I never meant for her to go

But frankly I’m glad she did

I’m glad she’s dead

I’m glad that she got hers

I never meant for her to die

But things tend to happen that way

I never meant to laugh

But I was truly rejoicing

Her demise meant tyranny’s end

The heartless bitch is gone

Ding dong

Ding dong

Ding dong

Ding dong

Ding dong

A Fly On The Wall

I feel the fire in the air

The fury and the fight

I smell the demon on his tounge

It lubricates the item, for which he’s bought and paid

I feel the caution in the company of the other; it’s obvious in his touch

In the alcoholic haze his reasoning has been withered

But even in inebriation he remembers what she did.

He remembers the hurt he felt

He remembers how after 12 years he found out; he fell in love with a whore.

He revels in the memory of the whore’s fist pounding at the door

He’s aggrieved as he bethinks the splashing of his tears on the cold cherry wood floor

In this moment the hurt he feels can only be mend by the touch of a stranger

Or so he thinks

As he begins to use what he’s bought, he feels his eyes begin to water

He knows this isn’t revenge, he knows this isn’t right

He pulls put

500 dollars walks out

And there he is on the floor, feeling discarded and used

Realizing sanity has slipped his grasp

Thinking of how the whore lay snug, and smug in bed.

The sweat from his pores pours cold

Erasing dreams of the two growing old

He listens to the lies the walls speak

The passion the sheets sing

The promises his heart wrote with his lips in front of 97 witnesses

It seems irrelevant as he watches the fire rise up the walls

The smoke fills his lungs and the fire loosed his soul

The whore watches as her last chance goes up in smoke

Knowing redemption has slipped from her grasp

Blue Thursday

I think the sky can feel our sorrows

It seems to rain down harder

Adding a flood to the waters

I don’t know what to think

I was nearly done grieving

It all is happening at once

I’m lost one hundred miles from where I want to be

The stories they tell cause my ears to bleed

I have been drained empty

Too many changes

Not nearly enough chances

I just got here and the fires are burning

She’s fighting to leave but I won’t let her go

The rain I harder this time

Now it has stopped

It never stays away for long

The world never seems to stop

Never giving my pain a chance to ebb

A Loosing Game

Each drop of sweat seeping from my pores is loosening my grip

I am loosing control

In truth I am falling

I am falling back into the hole that I just climbed out of

I am falling back into the criminal abyss

The handle bar to which I grasp is rusted

My emotional void is fading to black

This bedroom is my asylum

I do not want to leave

I awake to sunrise begging for it to set

In truth I am ready, I am ready to let go